I’m looking down at a handful of Kirkland (read: Costco) trail mix, and amidst the 28-year-old raisins and broken peanuts from China there are actual M&Ms – you know, the kind with the actual little m’s or w’s on them.

Costco, which blends the absolute lowest-cost ingredients, often to the detriment of their customers’ health (relax! just kidding), wouldn’t dare put in little candy-covered chocolate pastilles with little a’s, p’s or z’s on them. Maybe they don’t even exist – but that begs the question, why not?

I think no one dares fuck with the little guys.